Sunday, March 22, 2009

Sunday Rumination: Planning for Hateful Visitors

It is a gorgeous day out there, clear sunshine streaming down, the springtime blossoms are making their annual reappearance, the sparrows are chirping, shadows of bare branches are crisp across the greening grass. WPFW is playing some pensive, timeless improvised guitar piece, it's a perfect Sunday morning.

Next month our county might get a visit from the world's ugliest Christians. Fred Phelps' Westboro Baptist Church from Topeka, Kansas, goes around protesting events, especially events where people are grieving or things that people care about. That actress that died this week, they're planning to picket her funeral because she supported research for AIDS. The church's web site is called "God Hates Fags," and they make horrible ugliness out of anything beautiful.

They're planning to come here in April because we have a school named after Walt Whitman, who may have been gay. That's it, that's the whole thing, Walt Whitman wrote poems where he seemed to appreciate affection between men, and we have schools named after famous American writers and poets, including him. When I was a kid, they told us that Walt Whitman was the greatest American poet, I don't know if they still say that but he certainly changed the sound and the sentiment of poetry for modern times. I used to be involved in the poetry scene in the Central Coast of California, I published a couple of things, led some workshops, gave some readings, hung around with other poets. I like poetry, in fact I like Walt Whitman's poetry, if I had to say, I'd say his poetry and Jack Kerouac's prose have probably affected my writing style here on the blog more than anything. Well, maybe Merle Haggard's songwriting, too, I don't know. I like to start from a position like Whitman's, that life is good, life is charged with joyful energy, that sexuality and love are good things that bless our lives, and I like to string words together in a certain way that I would say is influenced by writers like Walt Whitman.

What would Walt Whitman do if he was faced with sourpuss puritans like our county's Citizens for a Responsible Whatever, who just live to spoil other people's parties? Would he see the beauty in their fear of life and love? I would imagine that their opposition to the wild energy of vitality would cause a charged-up spirit like Whitman to oppose them. I don't think he would much like people spoiling his party or anybody else's. He may include contradictions within himself, but here's the question, would he embrace forces that seek to destroy himself? I think Walt Whitman would fight for the right to love life.

Then you've got the "God Hates Fags" people. When our local nuts say they "Love the sinner, hate the sin," we know they're lying. You don't love somebody and then mock their deepest feelings of love for another person. They say that to disguise the disgust they feel, the hatred they feel toward gay people. The "God Hates Fags" group doesn't bother to do that. They are not only disgusted by gay people, they believe that God himself is disgusted by them.

In a way this is easier to understand, a group who says exactly what they mean. When they say "God Hates Fags" the reasonable person recognizes that this is impossible, first of all it's wrong to use an insulting term like "fag," and even if someone does it's stupid to hate gay people, and finally it is the most profound insult to our intelligence to suppose that the God who created all this universe would turn around and hate his own creatures because of who they love. Someone who carries a sign that says "God Hates Fags" believes so differently from me that it is inconceivable, it is impossible for me to put myself into a space where I can understand what motivates them. I don't like some people, but I consider that to be a function of my own self-interest, my personal life trajectory, I have grown up seeing the world from one perspective, I am one point moving through space and time, and my observations are biased by my mortality, singleness, my separateness. God though does not suffer that limitation, and I would be shocked if he did not love everyone, being able to see everyone's actions from their own point of view.

We have nuts in our county, people who think everybody should act and feel like they do, people whose thinking is stuck in a rut of habit that they will never escape from, and sometimes they cause problems, for instance when they threaten our school district, knowing that nobody in the administration will stand up to them. But the "God Hates Fags" people are beyond being nuts. Our nuts are parochial and silly, rationalizing their narrow-mindedness in ways that are transparent and easy to joke about. The "God Hates Fags" people are not silly. They are simply ugly.

Somebody brought up the question, "Who pays for all of this?" The "God Hates Fags" people travel all over the country to carry their signs and upset people -- who pays for their airplane tickets? Their hotel rooms? How do they get from the airport to our school that is named after a possibly-gay poet? I believe their group is approximately ten family members, somebody is pouring money into their endeavor, they cover a lot of ground in a week. The frightening thing is to think that they have supporters!

The question is, what should we do when these horrible people come to our county? It seems to me there is a continuum of possible responses, ranging from "Do nothing" to "Go down there with baseball bats and drive them out of Dodge." As you can probably imagine, I do not advocate a position at either end of the spectrum.

In between, there are shades of possibilities. For one: a bunch of people could show up at the "God Hates Fags" protest, and stand there silently while the Westboro Baptist Church group marches. Just stand there and watch. No, don't laugh, I know people who want to do that. It might make them feel morally superior or something, providing a crowd to make the "God Hates Fags" people look effective on television. The strength of this approach is exemplified by the impressive success of John Kerry's response to the Swift Boat attacks in the 2004 elections. A group ran a campaign that said George Bush was a war hero and John Kerry was a coward, and Kerry stood there and let them say it, and then lost the election. For some reason, this passive approach appeals to a certain brand of liberal, they think it is enough to show up for a fight, and that it would be too much to throw a punch. Okay, you see how I feel about that.

Closer to the other end of the spectrum, our side could show up with rotten vegetables and pelt the "God Hates Fags" group as they march, we could shout angry slogans at them and try to disrupt their demonstration, short of committing acts of violence -- no baseball bats, soft vegetation only. No hitting, only shoving. This approach won't accomplish anything for our side, either, for a couple of reasons. For one thing, it would make the papers and give the "God Hates Fags" people more publicity than they deserve. Another thing, it would energize these crazy Baptists, they would intensify their commitment to their "cause," knowing that they are being persecuted for it -- these kinds of people love to be persecuted, they live for it. It would look bad on TV, the rowdy mob would get all the attention and the horrible "God Hates Fags" people would avoid the criticism they deserve. Our position is based on kindness and reason, and it would be poorly represented by a threatening mob. I would never support disruption or physical attacks of any kind. Yelling and throwing stuff does not represent our viewpoint well at all.

Somewhere in the middle is an approach that I prefer. Our side should show up, definitely. Those who wish to should have signs with messages on them that show support for our gay friends and neighbors and opposition to the hateful Baptists who are picketing our school. And when the haters march by, we should boo. TV cameras have microphones on them, it won't sound like a crowd that has gathered because they agree that "God Hates Fags," it will sound like a crowd that opposes that sentiment. The "God Hates Fags" people will feel unwelcome but they will not get to call themselves martyrs. Nobody needs to shake a fist or use any bad language, there doesn't need to be any implication of violence, but I believe it is appropriate for our side to express ourselves clearly. At some of the "God Hates Fags" demonstrations, people hold up big flags to obscure the view of the hateful group. Big rainbow flags would be appropriate here, don't you think? Anybody have an idea about how to make some big flags, cheap?

There should be no question in anyone's mind about who's a good guy and who's a bad guy when these ugly people come to our county. Anyone on our side who threatens violence or expresses anger should be immediately removed from the scene. If the demonstrators say something, we should not engage them in dialogues -- you're not going to change these people's minds about anything. Booing will drown out anything they try to say and when people see it on TV they will understand that the crowd that has gathered is one that opposes the "God Hates Fags" perspective. We should be calm, and we should be very clear about what we stand for. These Baptists plan to picket one school for about forty minutes, then they'll be gone. It's not a big deal, everybody knows they're creeps, but if they come to our county with the message that "God Hates Fags" we need to make it perfectly clear that they are not welcome.

The most likely thing to happen is that the group won't come here. They seem to miss a lot of the dates on their calendar. I don't know the lay of the land at Whitman, but there might not be any place they can demonstrate near the school, and they won't be allowed on campus, I'm sure. If they don't come, then good, we can all get some work done that day.

If they do come, we can make the best of it. Their demonstration could seed discussions about sin and love, about morality and divine will and the gifts of love that nature gives us. There's a lot to talk about there, this could be an opportunity for people to contemplate their beliefs and settle their minds about a few things.

Well, here I am sitting at the kitchen table, it's past noon and I haven't had a shower yet. I've gone through a whole pot of coffee, had a great breakfast of eggs and corned beef hash, while I was banging on the laptop. It looks like the Peruvians are gathering at the school across the street for soccer and barbecue and folk dancing. WPFW has moved on, no more guitar music, and I have some errands to get done. We'll watch how events evolve, we'll do what we have to do, we are participants in this life, not observers.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Since AnonBigot´s friends are coming to town, perhaps we will finally have the pleasure (like torture to the extreme) to meet It.

I am sure It will be there supporting its friends with bells on.

March 22, 2009 6:39 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You're confused, Derrick.

Jim is the one who acts as a friend to this group by publicizing their activities.

He should have he head checked!

There's a thin line between bringing positive and negative attention to someone and the one receiving the attention rarely prefers one over the other.

The opposite of love, btw, is not hate.

It is apathy.

March 22, 2009 8:04 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

President B.O. has thrown a gutter ball:

"WASHINGTON (March 21) - Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin said she was "shocked" to hear President Obama's offhand comment referring to the Special Olympics in an appearance on the Tonight Show on Thursday night.

"This was a degrading remark about our world's most precious and unique people, coming from the most powerful position in the world," Palin said in a statement released Friday.

"These athletes overcome more challenges, discrimination and adversity than most of us ever will."

"By the way, these athletes can outperform many of us and we should be proud of them."

"I hope President Obama's comments do not reflect how he truly feels about the special needs community."
Palin's son, Trig, has Down Syndrome."

California First Lady Maria Shriver, whose mother, Eunice Kennedy Shriver, founded the Special Olympics, said that this incident shows that "there is still much work to be done." Shriver's brother, Tim, is the current chairman of the organization."

"Often times we don't realize that when we laugh at comments like this it hurts millions of people throughout the world," Shriver said in a statement. "People with special needs are great athletes and productive citizens, and I wish we could look forward to working with the President to knock down myths and stereotypes about this community."

March 22, 2009 8:08 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

So, what you´re saying, AnonBigot, is that you´ll be there wearing ONLY bells?

If that´s the case, I don´t think anyone will be there.

A bigot in bells? Ew.

(FYI, AnonBigot-- the typo was for "her" and not "his"-- get over yourself, you sad little thing.)

March 22, 2009 10:13 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

So... Obviously you are reading very slanted news, AnonBigot.

Care to share with us the words that were said by Obama instead of just pasting some stupid drunken baffle?


March 22, 2009 10:17 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

From the LA Times:

While appearing on "The Tonight Show" to tout his economic plan, Obama -- who famously rolled a gutter ball while trying to woo primary voters last year -- told Leno that he had been practicing in the White House bowling alley and recently scored an unimpressive 129.

"It's like -- it was like Special Olympics or something," the president said, prompting laughter from the audience.

March 22, 2009 10:43 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thanks, Derrick.

We all knew what he said.

Most people were offended and you would be as well if it were Bush who said it.

March 22, 2009 10:50 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...


March 22, 2009 11:43 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Think it's a big joke, Derrick?

Let's try your LA Times excerpt with one word exchanged:

"While appearing on "The Tonight Show" to tout his economic plan, Obama -- who famously rolled a gutter ball while trying to woo primary voters last year -- told Leno that he had been practicing in the White House bowling alley and recently scored an unimpressive 129.

"It's like -- it was like the Gay Olympics or something," the president said, prompting laughter from the audience."

Any objections?

March 23, 2009 6:49 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Huh, yeah... coffee and eggs and corned beef on a slow Sunday. And an anti-gay protest, somewhere.

We'd rather take 2 days to deal with the (obvious) nutters from PhelpsChurch (EveryoneRelated) Inc, than spend several years banging against a bunch of people who are (somewhat) functionally rational in public but otherwise complete and utter bigots of the same ferocity as Phelps. Which is, come to think of it, exactly what TTF has had to deal with over the years.

Now one reminds oneself of it... at the next Bi(of course)-Annual Intergalactic Homosexual Conference(c) in October -- which, somewhat alarmingly, is mooted to be held at Caesars Pocono Palace (just outside Marshalls Creek PA) -- we two plan to nominate you good people from Montgomery for an Intergalactic Award (Bronze Class).

We know, we know...

You're not in it for the glory.

You just hope for a World in which EVERY decent man or woman can wake up on a Sunday, scratch themself, wander to the window and look at the lawn, and sit down to half-way respectable coffee and same eggs and corned-beef over the paper without thinking... oh my gawd, my neighbours must think I am threat and a dangerous pervert.

Jim, apart from your own overall wishes for overall society -- we know how hard everyone at TTF has battled long and passionately on behalf of not only their own children and the World they will inherit; but also on behalf of all those who cannot speak out against the bullies. All else aside, the facts (and just the facts, Maam) about sexuality and pair-bonding were enough for you good people. But what a long pathway that is to walk.

This morning, as we do most mornings, the two of us sat down in the yard in the sun and enjoyed a coffee. Our house. Together.

And that's what struck me with your post Jim -- the shear banality of a coffee and a paper, at peace in your own home, with the family you have made.

We spend so much time -- online -- defending ourselves against people who claim we're either going to ruin heterosexuality, or man-on-woman marriages, or molest children, or throw on ladies underwear and invade women's dressing rooms, or over through every religion on Earth that we tend to forget...

That coffee, in peace, in our own home isn't our birthright.

People fought for it.

People still fight for it.

A coffee, in the morning. In my home. With my family. Neighbours we borrow a ladder from when the hall light blows, and neighbours we cook for when they are sick. Elderly neighbours we carry shopping for, or mow laws for. The elderly Greek couple that refer to us as 'young mans' as we pause by this years blood red roses. The 2 year old neighbour who bolts out the gate and is picked up by the scruff of his neck before he reaches the road. The 4 year old girl staying with her grandparents who always stops by and admired our 6-foot high pink hollyhocks as they walked by... and barely cannot believe it as I happily cut them off for her to take home. The niece taking a huge bunch of chard next-door, vegetables that (of course) "she" grew in our yard.

And people fight to prevent us BEING known as this???

It seems beyond stupid. It's their loss.

Jim -- we may actually nominate TTF for the Intergalactic Award (Bronze Class) this year. What are you guys doing around 16-18 October? It's Caesars Pocono Palace, so a tie and suit is required. (we've seen photos of you in a said suit and tie, so there's no excuse). They always throw on a nice open-buffet on the Saturday followed by dancing, apparently, although any cocktail-type mixed drinks will probably be extra. "Pre-War" music is the popular choice, although they sounded rather terse when I asked "Which war?" One will live to learn, one guesses.


ps, despite all our pissing around above... as always, our very best wishes to everyone.

March 23, 2009 12:21 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Jim that was us. URL not like @ symbols, it seems, meaning it will not accept email addies.

Next time we will do better, we promise.

March 23, 2009 12:26 PM  
Blogger JimK said...

You've seen pictures of me in a suit and tie? How'd that get out?! I think we'll have to call a special meeting of the TTF Publicity Department over that one!

It's good to hear from you guys, and I do hope you find all the banality you deserve, in your own lifetimes.


March 23, 2009 12:38 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

...the TTF Publicity Department...

Jim -- who do you think sent that photo to us in the first place???

(Either they love you too much but need training, or you have PFOX mole on-board).

We did take the liberty of photoshopping out the banana, the trombone and the ship's anchor ... but otherwise it's just you on a normal Sunday... having a coffee, enjoying your paper, silent to all requests and blind to the lawn that needs mowing. We're not quite sure why you are laying on the lawn-chair at that unusual angle but, hey, it's a Sunday -- all is forgiven. Of course, this still leaves the most impertinent question -- what were you doing wearing a suit on a Sunday?

(To be honest, the photo looks like you woke up on a lawn-chair in a suit... which raises all sorts of speculative thoughts. We'll leave our other questions about the banana, the trombone and the ship's anchor for another day).

Good to drop by and see TTF still banging along. And in good humour, as always.

March 23, 2009 1:07 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

What are we saying.... it's March -- you obviously haven't, nor needed, to mow a lawn for a LONG time. You are probably still under over 18 foot of snow.

The photo is obviously a fake. The red beard (and the accordion) should have alerted us.

PFOX will stop at nothing. Curse them.

March 23, 2009 1:13 PM  
Blogger JimK said...

Oh, that picture. That was the morning after, uh, the anchor and the banana, uh, the trombone was left over from, uh, it is all a little vague.

They sent you that?

I don't even know where that lawn chair came from. It wasn't there the day before. And the suit, that's not a real suit, that was painted on. I'll tell you about that while we're partying in the Poconos.


March 23, 2009 1:16 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

It's a date.

Normally we're woodwind people, but for you good people of TTF we will bend ourselves to brass.

Not sure how I'll get the sousaphone over but -- as Wikipedia claims -- it's a "wearable tuba" so maybe with a heavy coat and a scarf I may be able to get across without paying for special luggage.

Then again, wearing a heavy coat and a scarf and with a large metallic object hidden underneath I may find myself delayed for some time at L.A. airport on arrival.

I really don't want a few minutes laughing after getting past the Qantas counter at Tullamarine to turn into an extended vacation at Guantánamo at the other end.

It may be a tropical island location but, all the same, we'd both rather be doing liver pate and melba toast with you guys in the Poconos.

ps. we've all had THOSE types of mornings. Excluding the ships anchor, of course; which is only tackled by the rare few. I still can't work out how you got it that far up the tree.

March 23, 2009 2:53 PM  
Blogger JimK said...

It was a big anchor, too. And, honestly, I didn't take it up the tree, I actually brought it down to the tree. This part might be hard to describe and I don't remember it very clearly, there was a line of chorus girls, something about animals breaking out of a zoo, I don't know how I got all that stuff (anchor, chorus line, zoo animals) into the helicopter, unless maybe that's what all the policemen were there for, to help lift. They seemed to be in an awfully big hurry. And now I'm trying to remember, I don't own a helicopter ...

Oh, and don't worry about the sousaphone, we have one of those we can loan you, lend you, whatever.


March 23, 2009 3:12 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh, and don't worry about the sousaphone, we have one of those we can loan you, lend you, whatever.

Once again, you fail to surprise me. I should have guessed that, and I'm currently being alarmingly firmly nudged in the ribs with a smug "See, I told you they'd have one!" from the better half.

(Thanks for that... he really doesn't need any further excuse to adopt his superior attitude with me, and you've just given him one. I'll be hearing about this all week.)

OK. Poconos it still is. I'll be the one in the heavy coat, scarf and sans sousaphone and accompanied by a man with a smug, smarmy look on his face.

(Actually, that is his face. Period)

I'll keep my weary eyes skyward. If you can be so kind, please don't attempt to throw the sousaphone 'over' me from the helicopter. The last time that was attempted I got into an awful fuddle. And I really don't wish to talk about that part of my life, or what followed. All I will say is that the life of a circus sideshow performer is NOT what it's made out to be -- I earned a whole new respect for people like, well, like chorus girls as example. At least they were allowed out of their cage for part of the day.

ps ah-ha! it makes a lot more sense now -- the anchor can DOWN, not went UP. Silly me, it seems so obvious now I think of it.

March 23, 2009 4:21 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Andrea-not anon
God actually hates the Phelps family- I would hardly call Phelps and his family a church. If we are looking for those who actively sin in this world, I'd give all my votes to people who hate the way Phelps does and how his family brainwashes their children to do the same.

March 23, 2009 6:36 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think Jim and Grantdale should get some kind of interstellar award for most boring blog exchange of the year.

I hope you two were kidding about this:

"It's a date."

March 23, 2009 8:28 PM  
Blogger JimK said...

Anon, why would you hope we were kidding?


March 23, 2009 8:36 PM  
Blogger Tish said...

If GrantDale come to the US east coast I think we should have a TTF barbecue and invite them. I'll fire up the wood-burning pizza oven. Jim can arrange for the band.

March 25, 2009 9:06 AM  
Blogger JimK said...

Maybe we can have a sousaphonist perform...


March 25, 2009 9:09 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Poor sad AnonCoward -- I think you were punished for showing any imagination in your childhood. Hence, imagination still frightens you. You can get help for this condition, but I dare say you care not too. That would require imagination, which scares you. Catch 22. Ha ha ha. Hurh.

All else aside -- actually IT IS A DATE! Well, we don't actually have a date per se... but...

When, not if, we get to D.C. ... we will be making a pilgrimage to Montgomery. To see the Council chambers. To tour the shopping centres of a million hand-outs. To See the gym, infamous for the PFOX "man in ladies-room" fraud.

And most of all, we'd be looking forward to lunch, or dinner or even an afternoon cream-scone blow-out with all the legends here at TTF. Whatever time they can afford for two tourists from the antipodes, we'll be having it. Whatever they thought they were starting out on, the good people at TTF have become a global lengend.

Of course, Anon, if you expect an invitation to an afternoon tea... we'll need a name. If you ever decide not to be a coward and get a name, we'll send you an invite too.

(If for the only reason to see you choke on a fruit scone and fall to the floor in a fit.)

ps: if you don't get imagination AnonCoward, consider this. When Jim's kids said "But why doesn't the crocodile ever do a poo out of the clock???"... he would have had an answer. One, perhaps, that J.M.Barrie would not have thought of; but an answer that no doubt met 1) physical reality, 2) good taste and 3) childhood imagination.

(Note to self: by observation, 2 is often contrary to 3 in bedtime stories)

Your parents never read to you did they AnonCoward? Sadly, it explains a lot.

pps: thank-you Jim. One of us was doing real-time analysis support for someone in New York, and would have not remained sane without a break to your good humour from time to time -- you must be a great, if challenging, Dad :) Thanks for taking care of him -- he does become rather odd past 3a.m. local time

He's got help from Dinah Washington et al tonight. No anchors. No sousaphones. We'll see how that works out. (I must add " Baby You've Got What It Takes" is just about damn-near perfect.)

And yes Tish... we'll be there for any BBQ. Show us the fire, we'll turn the snags (with pleasure). A soloist on sousaphone may cause loss of bladder control from the two us us (and anyone under the age of 10), but what is an uncontrolled laugh and an inconvienient, incontinent squirt but a "Glad to be here!!!" between friends?

March 25, 2009 12:45 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I hope you're kidding about this:

"If GrantDale come to the US east coast"

March 25, 2009 7:41 PM  
Blogger Tish said...

I am hoping they come and that they spend the weekend at their awards, leaving their visit with TTF for the week. I will be on a Marriage Enrichment Retreat with my husband over that weekend and hope the GrantDale schedule coincides with my time at home.

I never "kid" about hospitality. It is a privilege and an honor to be hospitable, not to mention that my dear departed southern mother would be spinning in her urn if I failed to maintain the regional reputation she passed on to me.

March 26, 2009 9:31 AM  
Blogger Christine said...

Thanks, Tish, I can't wait to taste your home baked treats again! I'll bring homegrown tomato salad if we meet in late summer or early fall.

As far as entertainment, my youngest daughter has agreed to perform for food at the TTF-meets-Grantdale get together. She has perfected her sousaphonist dance moves while playing the bass line on "Carwash" with her high school's marching band.

March 26, 2009 10:07 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...


Only one of us is capable of answering at this point -- the other is laying down on the rug, murmuring something about his all-time-ooh-I'm-freaking-out-love-it-to-death song.

Yep, 'Carwash'.

I know. Seriously. That, and anything by The Human League.

Dinner parties have broken up in laughter at his behaviour if I bang that song on the player. Laying on the floor and crying out "Stop, Stop, my belly hurts from laughing!" type of reactions.

I only wish I can some day be able to witness your daughter, and him and (bestest friend) Robyn doing 'Carwash'.

I fear it may be the end of bladder control for all time for me, but boy it would be worth it.

Ah, yep, 'Carwash' and Dale.

In all seriousness, will you people be doing BBQs in mid to late September 2009??? (That's a hint, not a promise) We'll turn up with snow-shovels if need be -- although you must not expect an Australian to know what the heck to do with a snow shovel; other than shovel snow, we guess....

In any case, no BBQ we attend (38 feet of snow or not) will ever be without our lamb sate and rujak salad and chilli eggs. It wouldn't be a real BBQ to an Australian if you didn't let the guests contribute at last something.

Apart from all that nonsense -- JimK, isn't the April 2009 TTF BBQ due to be announced soon??? We expect photos.

You people are International Stars, for lardsake. It's about time you started acting the part. Your fans need to see something, anything -- like, a springtime BBQ :)

March 27, 2009 11:26 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"Thanks, Tish, I can't wait to taste your home baked treats again! I'll bring homegrown tomato salad if we meet in late summer or early fall."

Will this stuff be screened for food poisoning?

"Only one of us is capable of answering at this point -- the other is laying down on the rug, murmuring something about his all-time-ooh-I'm-freaking-out-love-it-to-death song."

We'll just let this one stand on its own.

Dinner parties have broken up in laughter at his behaviour if I bang that song on the player. Laying on the floor and crying out "Stop, Stop,"

We'll just let this one stand on its own too.

"our lamb sate and rujak salad and chilli eggs"

Will this stuff be screened for food poisoning?

March 27, 2009 4:08 PM  
Anonymous grantdale said...

Why are you concerned AnonCoward? You're not invited. As if.

You will, instead, have to enjoy the pulverised food, rubber spoons and soft plastic bowls they give you in the place where you are required (by law) to live. They really shouldn't be giving you so internet access to a World you cannot but try to understand, but I guess that's "progress". They probably track your internet hours and up your dose accordingly, which is a good thing.

And, I think, given all they have had to stomach from people like you over the past years most TTF people could probably swallow an entire bucket of cholera and still be able to function.

In fact, if we turned up and hired a high-pressure gun attached to 5000 gallons of cow poo in a truck... they'd probably just think they mistakenly walked into another "NotMyShower"/"RecallMontgomery" meeting.

Or got a whiff of your 'clean' washing.

I fear that you are already masturbating yourself into an frenzied injury at the mere mention of the words 'cow poo' and, for your own sake, I think it best that we stop communicating. I have let your carers know about our decision.

ps: you're still not invited.

March 29, 2009 11:14 AM  

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