Girl Scouts Reject Boy Who Likes Girl Things

This CNN story is mostly about a boy who wants to join the Girl Scouts. But it is much more than that. Bobby Montoya's situation opens the door to an entire discussion about gender identity and how to manage it, both your own and other people's.

The story is easily summarized. Bobby is a seven-year-old who has a boy's body but thinks of himself as a girl. He likes girl things, likes his hair long, likes to dress like a girl and be treated as one. And he wanted to go to Girl Scouts but they wouldn't let him join.

A leader said he could not join because of his "boy parts," [ Bobby's mother, Felisha ] Archuleta told CNN affiliate 9News.

The Girl Scouts of Colorado has since said it was an "inclusive" organization and "if a child lives life as a girl" he or she is welcome to join. "When a family requests membership for their daughter, we do not require proof of gender, we respect the decisions of families."

Archuleta doesn't label her son, who has been bullied and taunted. "I consider Bobby to be born in the wrong body."
The Colorado case has brought to light questions about labels and the rapidly evolving discussion about gender non-conforming children. Parents urged to support, safeguard children as they explore gender

I think that's an unfortunate title. This kid is not "exploring gender," he just wants to do what the other girls do. And you see our language is not accepting the situation well either, I am using masculine pronouns because the English language makes you choose and Bobby is presented in this story as a boy. It is not a story of exploration, it does not appear that Bobby is exploring anything, he knows what he is and that's that.

It seems very likely that at some point Bobby will change his name and formally transition his identity, so that rather than being "a boy who thinks he's a girl" he can be, simply, "a girl." That has apparently not happened yet.

This is an odd piece of reporting that starts with this human interest feature and quickly shoots off on important tangents. They even quote Regina Griggs from PFOX.

The question here is gender nonconformity. Most people cluster around the ends of the gender dichotomy, their self-presentation and their physical characteristics are in agreement, yet at the same time almost everyone deviates in some way. You remember the football player who enjoyed knitting, the jazz musician who followed the soap operas, very few of us conform a hundred percent to the stereotypes of male and female gender. Some small proportion of people identify themselves as the gender opposite their physical characteristics, and let's not forget that there are very many kinds of intersex conditions where physical characteristics are not entirely unambiguous.

The terms sex and gender are often used interchangeably, particularly on official forms, but sociologists say they are not the same thing.

Sex refers to biological and physiological characteristics that define men and women. Gender refers to socially constructed roles and behaviors society considers appropriate for men and women.

Gender identity and sexual orientation also are different. Sexual orientation refers to an individual's enduring physical, romantic, and/or emotional attraction to another person, whereas gender identity refers to one's internal sense of being male, female, or something else, according to the American Psychological Association.

Transgender children and adults are "people who are being assigned one gender but affirm that they are the other," said Diane Ehrensaft, a San Francisco Bay Area developmental and clinical psychologist and author of "Gender Born, Gender Made."

In the case of a kid like Bobby, it is important to point out that if there is a problem it is a problem with other people. Bobby seems comfortable being a girl, but the kids at school are apparently not cool with it, and I am sure some readers will object that his parents should force him in a more masculine direction. Gender roles may be socially defined but an individual's sense of their own gender is innate, and problems arise in a social context, when a person presents themselves as they are and violates others' expectations of what they should be.

The discussion comes down to one thing. We have a choice to make regarding the people around us. We can accept them as they are, or we can try to change them so they meet our expectations. The issue is not whether Bobby "should" be a boy or a girl, he already knows what he is, the problem is going to be seen in how other people deal with him.

Felisha Archuleta, who has two older children, said Bobby is still interested in joining the Girl Scouts, but not the same unit he first came in contact with.

The Girl Scouts of Colorado is taking such situations "on a case by case basis," said spokesperson Rachelle Trujillo. "This is a pretty new thing for us."

"I have absolutely heard of many situations of transgender kids who are absolutely living as a girl. Girl Scouts shouldn't be any different for them," she said.

Archuleta said her son doesn't need counseling and does not the dress the way he does because of his environment.

"I know it's going to be a really hard road for Bobby," Archuleta said. "I feel if we are there for him, we will get through it together."

There is a concise video at this link and a long story. The Girl Scout official they interview seems to have insight and empathy for Bobby's situation, and I have the feeling they will end up evolving a policy that is inclusive and kind. Gender identity is not a topic that most of us have ever given much thought to, we are what we are and society has fairly clear ways of treating male and female individuals. Everyone has a gender identity, it is not well understood but it is not hard to respect those who feel themselves to be different from the stereotype.